children don't grow up - our bodies get bigger and our hearts get torn up

at some point i'd expect to feel like a grown up. it'd be nice to imagine it happening eventually. but i guess on some level you're always the same person you were born as. with the same shit going on in your head half of the time. and seeing as the people around you are changing at the same rate, and it's all really just relative, the people who are older - who are the 'real' grown ups - are always gonna be older - until they're not there any more. sure, the stuff around you changes and the circumstances you're in do too. beyond that, what difference does it make? i think grown ups are meant to be in control of things, and a lot of the time it feels like things are out of control. which can be exciting sometimes. let the big on a rollercoaster between the top of the hill and the brakes. there's no controlling it, or stopping it happening mid way through. exciting's all well and good, and you need to be able to sit back and enjoy the ride while you're on it, but occasionally it'd be good to be able to just hit the brakes and take a breather.