derren brown weighs the same as a duck

so, whilst this blog isn't really meant to be a 'i did this' kind of thing, i wanna write something about an evening spent in the company of lucifer's earth-walking spawn (who prefers going by the name derren brown). if you've seen his tv shows you'd have a rough idea what to expect going to see derren brown live. i think it's one of the few occasions that i'd be happy to be stuck way up in the cheap seats and away from his evil clutches. i'm reasonably convinced that at least two of the people brave enough to get up on stage with him are going to need some form of therapy. a lot of the stuff he does is very clever. a lot of it will baffle the hell out of you trying to work out how the fuck he manages it. and the rest is just pure unadulterated evil. although sitting safely in my seat in the rafters of the palace theatre and well out of reach of him and his frisbees, he could still pretty much read me like an open, and astoundingly predicatable book. i'm being hazy on the details here cos i wouldn't want to spoil it but the man's a genius (albeit an evil one) and it's definitely the best £15 i've spent for a while. i'm also curious to know whether the hockey t-shirt wearing person i swear i saw wandering around outside beforehand was one of his minions sublimally placing the word hockey in my brain, random joe public or a figment of my imagination. regardless, you should either go see his show or avoid any dark alleys around shaftsbury avenue for the next few days in case you bump into him and he puts the whamey on you.

i don't know why i feel so tongue tied

not written in here for a while. the moblg's being updated a bit more often with some random pictures. i'm sure everyone will be pleased to know that the mushrooms situation is much improved. who would have thought that a simple paper bag could work such wonders? anyway, in other news... i now have about 2 and half months to get into shape for a 7 mile run. considering the furthest i've run in recent memory is probably from one end of waterloo to the other in order to avoid the ordeal of a nightbus, you'd have thought that i'd be more keen to get practicing. eventually i will i'm sure. day off tomorrow, the perfect opportunity of course. most likely one which will be passed over. we'll see. off to see the witch now.

my mushrooms are frozen all over

for some reason i'm having mushroom issues. not sure why i'd imagine you'll care but i'll write about it anyway. the last few times i've bought mushrooms i've happily used a few then stuck them in the fridge. where they should be able to stay quite happily for a good few days. unfortunately, this doesn't happen. it's usually takes no more than a couple of days for them to go all manky and end up in the bin. i would really be all that bothered about it if it wasn't for the fact that my flatemate can buy the same mushrooms as me, put them in the same fridge as we and still be able to use them long after mine have gone to the compost heap in the sky. obviously the exact part of the fridge they're in might be something to do with it, but i've tried pretty much all available options and they still end up the same way. the only course of action i can think of taking is whenever i want tasty mushrooms, pinching a couple from my flatmate's stash and replacing them with some from my ever dwindling supply. not entirely ethical, but seeing as my flatmate's doesn't know about this blog and my cunning plan, and what she doesn't know won't hurt her, so why the hell not? i can't believe i've just written an entry exclusively about mushrooms, i'm even boring myself now. move along, nothing to see here....

la langue internationale du ronald

i'd like to think it was the fact that i was wearing a t-shirt proudly displaying the name 'british sea power' that singled me out. rather that than my milky complexion or over-riding englishness. regardless, there i was standing minding my own business in the middle of a french shopping centre. a french shopping centre, i should add, which i had gone to visit a super market of the same chain which is five minutes drive from my home in order to buy beer which is the same as that which i can buy from the aforementioned supermarket five minutes from home. admittedly it was a fair chunk cheaper but that's reasonably irrelevant. anyway, there i am, stood there minding my own business when i notice someone blundered towards me. a quick checklist soon identified the origins of this person. no fashion sense: check. bright pink face from sunburn: check. large hoopy earings: check. by the time sharon (which may or may not have been her name, though it clearly should have been) had reached me she had been successfully identified as the Brit abroad. 'sharon' dispensed immediately with anything resembling chit chat and got straight to the point by bellowing "mcdonalds" at me. i assume she thought i may have been french because everyone knows that if you talk loudly enough, all foreigners revert back to their natural understanding of english. i thought that it was a fairly safe bet that 'sharon' didn't know a great deal of french, so, seeing as i didn't do too badly at french gcse i thought it'd be fun to remind myself of some of my long forgotten language skills. so, with my best french accent, which admittedly is only marginally better than those deployed in the name of comedy in monty python and the holy grail, i told 'sharon' where she could find her restaurant of choice and indulge in the same shitty greasy burger she could have got from her local maccyd's in deepest, darkest essex. directions were never the strongest part of my french, i'd always get confused between droite (right) and droit (straight ahead), but it's safe to say i was talking to someone with less idea about how to speak french than me. poor old 'sharon' seemed a little confused but happily wandered off in the direction i had vaguely flapped my arms in, with a 30 decibel "thank you", never to be seen again. there's nothing quite like experiencing another culture. admittedly i did wimp out when it came to the snails but at least, once my trip to tesco had been dealt with, i ventured to a part of another country which at least felt further afield that lakeside.