the next entry is dedicated to wellington boots

what exactly's wrong with this fucking country? it's meant to be summer for christ's sake. but instead there's torrential rain, cornish villages being wiped out and some poor unfortunate people off to reading up to their eye balls in mud (who i was kinda jealous of but no slightly less so). i was always under the impression that BST was meant to be british *summer* time (as well as belle and sebastian time since everyone knows they would great when the sun's putting in an appearance). the few days of decent weather we've had has not been enough to get myself a proper lovely sun tan. as a result, thanks to contant sun related t-shirt wearing i've got a suntan which looks like i've been playing all creatures great and small with my arms halfway up a cow's backside - not a great look really. so i'm faced with a couple of options. first up i can keep my pastey, cow fisted tan of the moment, and assume that there isn't going to be many opportunities to expose more flesh than my arms to the general public in the foreseeable future. i could always wait patiently sit and wait hoping we'll get one of those indian summer things when it gets lovely during summer, in plenty of time for my week of work. last, and not totally discount yet, is the final straw option fo going to stand in a glorified toaster and get a tan that way. which may or may not be almost as gay as the stupid damn sailor's hat (which i should point out, is yet to have found another chance to be worn in public - deepest darkest surrey doesn't have a high seamen population really). all these decisions. anyway, it's probably best that the sun stays hidden away seeing as my sunglasses managed to go flying out of my pocket while spinning around on a roller coaster, and i can't really be bothered, or waste the money, replacing them. still, it's almost the long weekend, it's almost the end of pass season, and it's ever closer to payday. oh yeah, and a name has been decided on: ant farm it is....

blah blah blah

it's bright and early on a tuesday morning. this week's going to be long and busy, the week before a bank holiday always is. this week's going to be even longer and even busier for a couple of reasons. for starters, i'm being a sell-out whore and doing a big chunk of overtime (maybe i might eventually get the little numbers in my bank account in black rather than red). next up there's the fact that i'm getting my self a big dose of good karma coming my way by staying up all night wednesday, then straight into work again at half eight the next day. we're also moving to a spangly new office over the weekend so should be busy packing, sorting and generally getting organised. last, but not least, is a little meeting i've got thursday night after work. all this adds up to a few good night's sleep when i finally wander out of work at about 10 friday night. the pressing problem, however, is that this morning, nothing apart from the internet is working. if you've read this thing before you probably know that a reasonably significant proportion of my time seems to be spend online - mostly because at times the works comes few and far between. but that's fine in little bite size chunks, grabbing a look at b3ta here, and quick visit to nme there. when the day consists of nothing more than that, the novelty quickly wears off, especially when the work's piling up and looking suspiciously like it's going to eat into my hollyoaks viewing time. damn those it people all to hell.... in other news, i have red feet, but that's a long and boring story which i don't even really care about so won't subject you to, particularly since i couldn't without resorting to overall bitchiness.

i got 419'd!!

just when it seemed like all the exciting stuff was happening to other people, what should drop into my inbox but a lovely e-mail from Dr Celestine Eze from Nigeria offering me a once in a lifetime opportunity to get my hands on a 40% share of $15.5m, which, if my maths is up to scratch, would give me around about $6.2 million to spend on sweeties or other such delights....

I am Celestine Eze, Branch Manager with Bank of the North, Victoria Island Branch, Lagos, Nigeria. I have an urgent and very profitable business proposition for you that should be handled with extreme confidentiality. On January 6,1998 a Foreign Oil Consultant and contractor in Nigeria Mr. James Herbert by name made a numbered time Fixed Deposit for twelve calendar months valued at US$15.5M (fifteen Million, five Hundred United States Dollars Only) in my branch.

Upon maturity I sent a routine notification in accordance with the Bank policy to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers in Nigeria that Mr. James Herbert died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, we found out that he died without making a Will and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigations and discovered that Mr. James Herbert did not declare any next of kin or relations in all his official documents including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank.

This sum of US$15.5M has been carefully moved out of my bank to a Security Company in Europe for safekeeping. No one will ever come forward to claim it and according to Nigerian Law, at the expiration of 5 years the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if nobody applies to claim the fund. This prompted us to contact you.We will like to front you as the next of kin of our late client thereby making you the legal beneficiary of the sum of $38.6 million U.S Dollars that is presently in a Security Company in Europe. I contacted you because it is against our code of ethics to own and operate foreign accounts and your assistance would be needed to claim the money in the Security Company in Europe.

We have unanimously agreed that 40% of the entire sum would be for you if you agree to take part in this profitable transaction,50% for me and 2 of my colleagues while the remaining 10% would be used to pay back the expenses that may be incurred during the course of the transaction by both parties after the fund has been claimed and lodged in your account. In the event that you are genuinely interested in the transaction,the following information would be needed from you to expedite action.

1) Your Full Name and Address that would be used to establish you as the next of kin of our late client thereby making you the legal beneficiary of the fund. This would ensure that the Security Company in Europe releases the Consignment/Fund to you.

2) Your Private Mobile,Telphone and Fax numbers where you can be reached at all time because this transaction entails constant communication.

The transaction is 100% risk free as all modalities has been perfected to ensure the hitch free success of the transaction. If you are interested, send the requested information via email

I await your response urgently.

Regards,

Celestine Eze
drcelestineeze@katamail.com

oooh look!

the more observant amongst you may have noticed an extra little link has appear at the top of the page. praise be, there's some galleries! nothing terribly exciting in there i'm afraid, apart from for the people who are in them i suppose. the wonders of modern technology and being able to share stuff with the click of a mouse. it's still got one or two bugs in it which i'll iron out when i get round to it (i.e. don't hold your breath). i wouldn't hold your breath waiting for frequent updates in there either. let's try getting me writing something worthwhile in here every now and then for starters. i guess the moblog is probably my most frequent port of call, because it involves very little as far as effort is concerned - which can only be a good thing. anyways, the sunshine is calling me so i'll go and read some and try to think of something for you to read.

just for the record...

i'm a b3ta beater. on july second i posted a picture in my moblg, which has turned up in this week's b3ta newsletter. if only i had e-mailed them, i'd be a legend in my own lifetime. instead, i can just sit here in my smug annonymity, knowing i'm better than them.

blue monday

it's not a particularly blue monday, either literally or metaphorically, but no-one's written a song about a slightly hazy (again literally and metaphorically) monday morning, so today's entry will be brought to you by the colour blue and maybe the letter X. generally speaking, monday morning's suck. even more so when you've had a good weekend. and especially when you've had a good weekend and then made the mistake of checking your balance to find out just how much a good weekend costs these days. this monday morning, in spite of meeting all criteria required to suck (and not in a good way), is actually quite nice. monday morning's at work are usually quite nice at easing you into the week. there's only 2 of us in, only a bit of work to do, so plenty of time to do constructive things like writing in your blog or downloading the graham coxon bootleg i'm listening to (if only i'd been more efficient on the ticket buying front i would have been there). give it twenty minutes and the troops will arrive en mass, shattering the peace and reminding me that, however nice a start the week might get off to, it's only a matter of time before it all decends into the realms of mind numbing tedium. i think my time here is almost done. the question remains, at my forthcoming review do i tell them what they want to hear or offer the truth as a nice alternative. i think i'm plenty good enough at my job not to get thrown kicking and screaming out of the door, and i'd rather wait til i've got something lined up to run on into, seeing as the bank balance does not support the notion of running away to somewhere sunny and nice quite yet. there's also the thought that, chances are, wherever i go to work next, i might actually have to do some work. this one's gotta be more than a job, a step in the right direction and one which can't be backtracked on. there's plenty of big ideas, and i think its about time i pulled my finger out and started working and bringing them a little closer to realisation. monday morning has been bought to you in association with a new order song, a graham coxon bootleg and an overwhelming sense of optimism. this, as colin would say, is hope....